Are You a Social Media BarfShiner?
Today’s post has been a few months in the making, and a lot of people contributed to it.
Now, you’re probably wondering what a “barfshiner” is. You won’t find a definition in any dictionary, as far as I can tell, but the word came about thanks to Jill Foster and Erica Holt who, despite never having met each other (to the best of my knowledge), came together via the comment thread on a recent question I asked via Facebook and Twitter:
“Do you secretly want to puke when you consistently see ‘rah rah’ Facebook updates from certain people?“
And I must give credit to Donna Vincent Roa for suggesting the title of this post.
Image: dj0ser via Flickr, CC 2.0
I really had no idea what a chord this would strike among people. I’ve lost count of how many responses I got via Twitter (thank you Jen Zingsheim for rescuing me from Facebook-search-hell). This particular FB post got, I believe, 51 comments and, yes, some of those included my replies to comments, but still, that’s a pretty big number for me.
Truly, I wasn’t trying to be a curmudgeon
(though I can be plenty curmudgeonly when it’s called for, ha, take that, Lorne Pike). It was my reaction to seeing a spate of social media status updates that came across (granted, to me) as overly-inspirational or doggedly in the pursuit of convincing everyone else that, “Gee, folks, I have SUCH a great life, LOOK at me, I’m super-duper-califradgilistically-awesome!”
I have no idea if I spelled that write right, so don’t get all crazy on me now, it’s a made-up word to begin with. And I was curious to see if others reacted the same way.
Now, I’m not all that much of a curmudgeon. You’ve seen me say “Good morning!” countless times on Twitter and Facebook, and I confess to using far too many smiley face emoticons in SM.
But I think there’s a difference between that and relentlessly posting updates that basically say how great your life is, all the time … because, by inference, what you’re really saying to everyone else is that their life sucks … all the time.
For example, yesterday Gini Dietrich shared quite candidly about how she’s been a complete PITA over the last few days. To me, that’s a real person talking. Just as, if you were actually pick up the phone to call me, or even tweet me, and ask me how I was doing, I might say, “Just dandy!” or I might launch into a tale of woe. And no, I wouldn’t blame you for running as far as you could in the other direction, but the point I’m making is that with me, Gini, and many others I know, WYSIWYG. (Ask Davina Brewer for that translation, if you need it.)
This particular conversation thread on Facebook led to Erica (you can read her WUL postings regularly if you subscribe, cough cough) sharing a piece from Slate titled The Anti-Social Network. JZ (that’s Jen Zingsheim, not the other JayZee) wrote a really thoughtful post not long after this Facebook exchange on whether or not social media makes us unhappy.
My point is
Real people have days that are up and down. If you and I talk frequently on Twitter or Facebook, for example, and I suddenly notice a dearth of posts from you (or vice versa) I’m going to wonder what’s going on with you. Because that’s the way life goes, right?
When you’re really chipper, you’re ready to share it. When you’re not, you may not want to, except among a very close circle of friends. Maybe that dearth of posts is due to work overload, personal crap, who knows what.
But if you’re “always on,” how will I know when the real you is surfacing?
There seems to me to be a tendency among social media users to project an “always happy” self-image to the world, regardless of what’s actually going on deep down. If we’re going to talk about authenticity in social networking, shouldn’t we at least try to accurately portray what’s going on offline, online?
That doesn’t mean that we have to moan and groan about our woes all the time. But it does mean, at least to me, that we’re not going to pretend everything’s hunky-dory when it’s not. So that way, when we’re really, truly, happy, it resonates.
And the people who do … those are the ones I think of as social media barfshiners.
What do you think? As always, the comments are yours, so please please PLEASE bring it on.
Love the term barfshiner and barfshiners can definitely make you sick, but I think we can all be guilty of it at times. I find that when I am shinning barf, it usually means that there is some barf in the vicinity, and I "think" that by giving it a little spit shine no one else will notice it.
JimmyVinicky LOL! Well... I think there's a difference between having a positive outlook and being sickeningly sunny ALL the time, especially when posting in SM. The latter is more where we were going with barfshining...
My latest conversation: The Baconator on Social Media
Ok, I knew you were striking a chord with me on this and I couldn't think of who it was that it was reminding me of. (really poorly constructed sentence, I recognize). and now I remember because I HID him from my newsfeed. I didn't unfriend him because I didn't think he deserved that and I do live in a small town ya know. I have to be nice even if it goes against my nature.
He is a life coach and personal trainer so his updates are all about getting up with a smile on your face, sunshine in your eyes, working out like a mad man, getting on the bike for the 6th time today, loving his wife, how amazing his kids are and how they changed his life. It made me so sick, I finally hid the barfshiner.
Lisa Gerber Sounds VERY much like someone I know... or several people I know. That kind of stuff drives my husband crazy too. You should hear him get on the phone with his brother (they discuss someone in common who does the same thing) about it. The funny thing is - this person is SO not like in real life. Aaargh.
Oh, no, not THAT! Please NO PARADES for SM Barfshiners! Has any one considered how much political SM barfshining we will see more and more of in the next 18 months. I'll probably have to ask Bill Shatner if Priceline has a good price on flights to St. Helena or Diego Garcia. ;-)
mark.sofman Or you could just sign up to get the Travelzoo VIP newsletter...
Shonali mark.sofman I'll settle for virtual tourism for now, but it's good to know that one can actually get to these places http://bit.ly/lXQe6U and http://bit.ly/jYJUnb ;-)
Shonali I want top make like Ralph Kramden and tell a few folks, "To the moon!"
I just got called out by seanmcginnis and I'm trying to rectify my embarrassment over not zeroing in on YOU ALWAYS. Will change my errant ways; now about being a barfscheiner (how did you spell that?), still not sure I am one, but if I get to be in such good company as you and
Sean McGinnis Soulati | PR I think there was a SMD tweetup or something, but since it was my husband's birthday, I stayed offline after a couple of hours in the morning. And if SMD is always going to on June 30, that's how it's always going to be. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Soulati | PR LOL! Barfshiner. I still have to add it to the Urban Dictionary - will try to do that today. I don't think you're one, FWIW. Sean McGinnis
Awesome awesome topic. I often think about that without putting the thoughts together. I know I don't post as much when I'm no "on", or I'll post about things that aren't personal. So we do portray this sense of rosiness on our social networks, but the Barfshiners!! OMG. I know exactly what you mean.
To me, the true test of a barfshiner; if you read their status out loud and you wouldn't say it conversationally? They are a barfshiner. I'm learning so much from you today, Shonali. A whole new vocabulary.
Lisa Gerber I think you may have stumbled upon the next big drinking game. "Can you read your own status update out loud without barfshining? If not - drink up!"
Wow. Love this post! And loving the comments even more. I am reading this at a time when life is especially complicated at the moment and I have drastically reduced my usual tweeting and facebook-ing with fellow food bloggers for far too long. Needless to say, my blog too is not being updated as frequently as it should, and that has a direct impact on the community I have worked so hard to build. Honestly, I don't believe in being fake and I believe in authenticity of content. So when some food bloggers ooh and aah and dole out the words 'love' and 'gorgeous' and 'sweetie' liberally over others' not-so-well-photographed or -written recipes and posts (so they get more hits + followers), I don't get it. It's toxic (as they say in mumbai) and plain obnoxious. And that to me is 'Barfshining' (did I use that correctly?) I'd rather just stay true to my own voice.
sabera You absolutely used "barfshining" correctly. Though I'm giggling a little at the fact that now we are conjugating a word that doesn't exist, heh!
I'm so glad you had fun reading this post, and I'm sorry I couldn't reply earlier - I've been at #BWENY and just getting a chance to catch up. "Toxic" is such a great Indianism. I miss my Indianisms.
Thanks for stopping by!
It's hard because we live in this world of overnight success and no failure. It's total BS, but people don't talk about the down days or weeks or months or years. So we hear about the success and the huge milestones and we hold ourselves to that standard. Internally we talk a lot about how EVERYONE puts their pants on one leg at a time and, no matter how famous or rich or successful they seem, we're all human beings. I'm with you - I prefer to know that everyone has bad days. Everyone.
ginidietrich Agree, it feels lie it's about image. You can admit your failures but only once you've overcome, achieved success. We all have days good and days that totally stink, kinda silly to pretend otherwise.
ginidietrich It always seems to me that's such a stressful thing to do. You see someone going on and on about how great everything is, all the time, and you start to wonder what you're doing wrong. That's why I think they're lying, if not to us, then to themselves. Even if they're doing it to make themselves feel better... wouldn't it be better if they actually faced up to whatever it was and got on with things?
Shonali ginidietrich Some of us just can't help it; it's very easy to be this way when you have a simple mind. Trust me, I'm not that deep.......:)
I have been told to not talk about down days online as it is not professional. I was like really and how fricking "authentic" is that one? #justsayin ginidietrich
How about this one? "SMullet" as in "social media mullet" Would apply to one whose use of social media is less than stylish or hopelessly unfashionable. ;-)
Mullets are cool where I live...........
Could it be that barfshiners are using (cue pre/por-tentous soundtrack) social media as "self-talk?" I fear going farther into the barfshine cesspool of industrial grade self-improvement neologisms, so I'll leave it at that.
You said what?
bdorman264 I'm referring to the lingo and coinages that so many self-improvement gurus (and/or charlatans) are prone to.
I know; I'm being a goofus..........
bdorman264 And I think we have to give mark.sofman props for widening MY vocabulary, at least!
Shonali mark.sofman Of course, we are getting smarter, right?
bdorman264 Shonali I think so.
mark.sofman I also note this is the first time you've had such a lengthy convo on WUL, Mark... in fact, I think it's the first time you've commented. Gold star! bdorman264
Shonali mark.sofman bdorman264 Thanx! There was a certain je ne sais quoi that caused me to do some barking up a couple of trees. ;-)
Don't like, I bloody LOVE Barfshiner and will find a way to use it in my vocab. I'm a would-be barfshiner except I hate that crap. I'm also not a fan of friends whose FB updates are all "kids! jobs! spouses!" but nada about them.. so like jenzings I know I can change the channel. I say 'would-be' b/c I don't want to post nothing but RAH RAH or nothing but WHAAA WAHHH either. My vanity leans towards updates of the 'having fun on vacay aren't I fabulous' updates but then I have to temper that, mock myself for breaking into a run for Internet access, point out my own lameness.
And for all my "wizzywig" ;-) I am quick to remind folks, that yes this is real. I like Despair more than Successories, I like my silly TV shows more than serious business books, I have days good and bad. But this is not the whole me and for all I share, there is plenty more I keep to myself or secret Twitter friends, as I should. IDK.. I don't want to overshare so I think I undershare, but then.. it's also my way. FWIW.
3HatsComm jenzings You know what this means! Gotta start using the #BarfShiner hashtag! whooo!
3HatsComm I like silly TV shows more than serious business books too! Davina, you are definitely not a barfshiner, at least, according to me.
3HatsComm jenzings I went to Starbucks and I was the happiest guy there.
bdorman264 3HatsComm Is it possible to be sad at Starbucks?
Shonali bdorman264 3HatsComm Well, yeah, sure. Esp. when all you want is a venti americano and you're in line behind a group of 2 or three who want straw-rasp-dingleberry-frappo-capuchin-doubleshot-decaf-splenda-soy-skim-nowhip-WTFs.
mark.sofman Shonali bdorman264 heh, guess it depends on how badly you need that caffeine hit. ;-)
If you are happy and you know it stamp your feet...........I'm not a rah, rah happy guy; but I am a happy guy. I won't be syrupy, but when I approach you 99 times out of 100 I will have a smile on my face. It's just me, but I do find people open up to that.
I don't like artificial happy and I'm ok with you being yourself; what I don't want is you to be the complainer about and bringing me down. I will listen if you have a legitimate beef, but don't expect me to join in.
If you are that wet blanket person, we can hang together because I get along w/ most; but it won't be often. I seek out humor and I find it in the weirdest things. Maybe that's why its a good thing to have such a simple mind, huh?
Good to see you ma'am and I'm off to another event. I still need to get back to your post yesterday.
Cricket still rules........and I was a big hit w/ my 5th grade reading group when I mentioned Sachin and my buddy Jay had to explain to his friends what that was all about.
bdorman264 I like that about you, that you smile a lot. But I can tell it's real, and not fake. I smile a lot too, I'm not a pretty sight when I'm frowning, LOL.
Cricket rules!
Shonali bdorman264 Bill I definitely see that crumudgeon pessimist type you see normally lurking around pool halls, off track betting and the frozen food aisle of your local market muttering trying to divide the price by number of pounds. Plus you said wet blanket. That now makes this post R rated.
@HowieSPM if its wet and its not yours, don't touch it......
Barfshiner huh? Let me ask you, what persona do I project and whatever it is, do you think it's genuine?
I know, this is your post and I'm supposed to be answering the questions and I do have an answer but no time.
I did get your e-mail about the non-profit but haven't been able to open it yet. This has been a crazy wk for me in more ways than one; I can't wait to come back and jump in.
bdorman264 So just to make sure you know... I don't think you're a barfshiner. You come across as genuinely interested in other people (the cricket example) and you go out of your way to connect with them, and not in a brownnosing kind of way either.
And heck, this is as much your post as mine! I saw your post about your volunteer work. Loved it, and I have to come by and comment, it's just been one of those days for me too...
I tune out the people who never show themselves. I want honesty and authenticity. If you don't show me more than one side I begin to lose interest.
Conversation from Facebook
Gini Dietrich cough cough...
I'm headed there next!
And Davina Kristi Brewer, I couldn't tag you earlier b/c of the FB limits, but you're in it too!
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